Who Am I?

Since becoming a mum at the age of 20, I have been asking myself this question over and over. What does Alicia like? What does Alicia do outside of the girls? Who am I? And to be quite honest, I'm still not sure.

In October 2024, I went back to university to complete my degree a few weeks after the twins turned one years old. This was a step that made me feel like I was me again. No longer attached to my babies 24/7.

I was just me.

I gained this new independence I hadn't had in a year and it felt good.

Since then, life has drastically changed (for many good reasons) and I'm back to being mum full time again. This is not what I envisioned my life to look like after my graduation and not at all what I wanted.

But God had a different plan.

The past few months I have been applying for jobs in search of a way to get out of this life as a stay at home mum. I’ve been trying to play catch up to my fellow graduates who are working towards their career. The Lord was telling me no, but I refused to listen. I wanted to go away from the path that the creator of the universe had set out for me and try to do it my own way.

But my way was never going to work.

I had a job interview recently, that I was pretty confident about and excited about the prospect of trying something different. When I read the email that told me that I wasn't successful, my heart sank. I questioned myself and I questioned God. Why not me? Did I say something wrong? But in that moment something in my mind switched. Everything that God had been telling me finally sunk in.

He has a plan and it is greater than anything I could think or imagine.

The past few months where I have been trying to take on my own path, I know that God has been calling me to find my purpose within being a mum. For a while I felt like I was falling behind my peers and looked for purpose outside of my kids.

But God has been telling me all along that they are my purpose. Right now I just need to be their mum. The no I got from the employer no longer felt like a rejection. I knew that it was God redirecting me back onto His path.

So although I may not know who I am just yet, I do know that God calls me His daughter and I’m learning to trust in His plan everyday.